The Greatest Lesson I Ever Learned - Dr Keith Farmer

As I entered full-time ministry in 1995 I read a book compiled by Dr Bill Bright entitled, "The Greatest Lesson I Ever Learned". It was a collection of stories from Christian leaders. It inspired me to ask various Christian leaders in Australia that I knew (or, mostly, knew of) for their story. These have been sitting in my computer for 10 years waiting for publication, but I didn't collect enough to warrant publishing them. So, I am now posting them as blogs so the stories can get out there. I trust you enjoy them as much as I do.

Geoff

Keith Farmer

Keith Farmer is Principle and Lecturer of Pastoral Studies at the Churches of Christ in New South Wales Theological College. He received his Doctor of Ministry from Fuller Theological Seminary in Los Angeles, USA. Keith’s ministry has allowed him to speak at many conferences around Australia and occasionally in such places as the USA, New Zealand, Papua New Guinea and Vanuatu.

Keith ministered at Canley Heights and Epping Churches of Christ in Sydney and Doncaster Church of Christ in Melbourne over a period of 13 years. He has spoken to Churches of Christ Ministers Groups around Australia and in Papua New Guinea and Vanuatu.

Keith is a registered Psychologist in New South Wales. He is married to Margaret and has two sons and a daughter.

HITTING THE WALL

I had been involved in local church ministry for twelve years following my graduation from the Churches of Christ Bible College of New South Wales. This pastoral ministry had involved two suburban churches in Sydney, New South Wales and a suburban church in Melbourne, Victoria. I was in the second year of an Associate Ministry with the Doncaster Church of Christ and a lecturing role at the College of the Bible, Glen Iris. Each of these ministries was half time. At the college I lectured in Pastoral and Counselling areas.

During the time of my training for ministry I felt very strongly that I was being equipped biblically and theologically, but not pastorally. My relationship with God was really important to my developing ministry and so also was my relationship with people. I therefore undertook, concurrent with my Theological studies, courses at the University of New South Wales which led me to major in Psychology and eventually complete (three years after graduation from the College) a Bachelor of Arts with Honours in Psychology.

The pastoral ministries I had been involved in were characterised by a strong emphasis on pastoral care and counselling as an interest and area of specialised training. I received sufficient feedback from those with who I counselled and cared for pastorally to convince me that one of my areas of giftedness involved pastoral care. It was therefore not a difficult decision to make when I was asked to teach in these areas at the Federal College of Churches of Christ in Australia. My job description for my ministry at Doncaster Church of Christ involved considerable responsibility in pastoral care mid the development of pastoral care programmes within that church. This also was not a difficult job description for me to accept and in which I could feel very comfortable and relatively confident.

The first year of this dual ministry responsibility I enjoyed very much. The students at the College seemed to respond positively to having a "pastoral type" person around the place to whom they could talk formally and/or informally. The Doncaster Church was a relatively large, vital, growing church in which there were many people who had experienced or were experiencing hurts for which counselling could be of some help. I was busy and to some extent torn between two 'full-time jobs" but feeling happy and fulfilled. I enjoyed the team context in both of my ministry situations.

In each situation my counselling load had gradually increased.

It became apparent to me and to my wife that I was being considerably drained emotionally by the amount of counselling I was doing and the nature of some of that counselling. I prided myself on being available to people at the time that they needed me. Some of the people with whom I was counselling began to need support and help more and more. I found it very difficult to say no to any request for help no matter when, where or how I felt at the time. It felt as if I would be letting them down. It became apparent to me that I needed to set limits and that my unwillingness and inability to do so related to needs that I had within myself; to be needed by and to be the rescuer of others. When I "hit the wall" and began to experience strong anxiety and sleeplessness about how I would cope with the next day, I knew that I needed to do something. But how does a person who is teaching counselling admit that they are not able to continue? How does a person who needs to be needed and who finds it difficult to experience other peoples' disappointment and anger, communicate "I am not available today"? When I began to communicate such to some who had become quite dependent on me, they expressed the anger and disappointment of which I was scared. In order to appear still to be a caring person, I said that I would only see people by appointment once a week, except if there were crises or extreme difficulties. During the next week three people made an attempt at suicide, indicating that I had let them down badly by not being available. I wasn't available because I was quite close to a nervous breakdown. That was the only basis on which I could justify not continuing.

How does a person who is supposed to be the teacher admit that he is unable to cope? It was embarrassing to talk to my seniors in each ministry situation and let them know that I needed help. I began receiving help myself on a regular basis from a Christian Psychiatrist who was willing at some stage for these regular appointments to become times in which he supervised me in my counselling. I had never had any supervision. or support to that time.

Coincidentally I was scheduled to continue some courses in a Doctor of Ministry Programme I was half way through with Fuller Theological Seminary in the USA I was to attend these courses in Pasadena just after the time when I became unable to continue my counselling role. Fortunately, one of the courses for which I had enrolled was "The Minister's Personal Growth and Skill Development" with Dr. Arch Hart from the Psychology Department of Fuller Theological Seminary. In preparation for the course I had filled out personality questionnaires and other indications of temperament. Part of the two week course involved being a counsellor to another of the students on a daily basis and being counselled by another student, also on a daily basis. These pairings were randomly allocated. I was ten thousand kilometers from home, an anonymous person in the Fuller context and therefore grasped fully the opportunity to talk at length with a "counsellor". A Canadian minister whose name and background now escape me, became the unwary recipient of a lot of pain and hurt from me. But it was very therapeutic. The major paper for the course asked each student to look honestly at their own personality and character development; to pinpoint areas of difficulty, struggle and need and outline a programme for healing and rehabilitation. During the night time following each day of input from Dr. Hart I worked with great pain and anguish on putting together a programme for rehabilitation. I remember vividly the remarks from Dr. Hart on my paper when it was returned to me. They indicated that what I had written was what the course was meant to be all about. The pain and anguish of being so far from home made it almost unbearable to address the issues. However in that very difficult period of time there was one major thing that became gradually more and more apparent to me.

I had always been a relatively able, competent person in almost any area of life that I had undertaken. Although I was not outstanding in any area, it is reasonable to say that relative effectiveness in most of the pursuits of life, including vocation, had not required too much “blood, sweat and tears”. Even as a local church minister over almost a decade and a half, I had been able to hold things together through my relative competence. But I had run out of resources.

I remember vividly calling out to God and saying something like, "I haven't needed you too often, but I need you now, desperately. Please work a miracle; please help me and get me out of this dilemma." No easy solutions or quick miracles happened. I learned however the greatest lesson of my life: that any day of any year, if I rely on my own strength and capacity, I could come unstuck.

Since that time (which is now fifteen years) I have lived life quite differently. There probably has not appeared to the observer to be too much different, but from my insider position the basis of my ministry has changed from previously feeling quite competent and confident about what I could do compared with others for God, to a recognition that without God's strengthening and guiding I have no hope of living effectively today and tomorrow.

I therefore greet each day with the clear understanding that unless I rely on God, this could be another day in which "I hit the wall".